Marriage needs a PR rep

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I'm concerned about the image of marriage. I agree that one way to encourage and support married people is to acknowledge that marriage is not always easy or fun. I know from experience that it takes work, give and take.

The guest speaker  at my church on Sunday talked about how he's felt like leaving his marriage a time or two and how huge spats can lead to great make-up sex or how traveling and hanging out with friends is OVER once you are married. I believe I know what he's referring to but I wonder if highlighting these issues in this way is helpful to an audience that includes single people contemplating marriage. Sure they should know what they’d be getting into but I think there should be more balanced presentation of the challenges and pleasures.

The Litany for Husbands and Wives (printed in this Sunday’s bulletin) seemed most appropriate for struggling couples attending marriage counseling. With this being in the bulletin it seemed to relay that this is how marriage generally is … left to “grow like the stray dogs, alley cats, and weeds, unprotected…” or “Our love affair has turned into an everyday affair…. And now it’s only ‘fair’”. To be fair, I recognize that the litany attempted to show that “something grand is waiting” but failed to provide a clear picture of said grand thing.

I’m glad we were not asked to read this aloud because I would’ve had to decline. I can’t relate. Then I asked myself why? I thought at first that maybe I feel this way because I’m a young person. Then I remembered (cause I often forget...which should be a clue) that I am not that young anymore – going on 37 this year. I’ve been married 14.5 years; the honeymoon is over. Yet, my marriage is still very much an everyday love affair. Only *some*times we find ourselves bogged down with work stuff or kid stuff or something life throws at us and we must be responsible adults and work out solutions. Ok that’s not sexy. But no matter what, I know that at the end of every day, my connection with my husband is my sanctuary. Life may be going wild, but I can count on our friendship as a constant. If I don’t pay my bills or get to work on time, or even miss my vitamin for the day, I usually HAVE done something to nurture the friendship I count on so much. I believe my husband would say the same.

I can’t relate to kiss-less days, regular turmoil or irregular sex. Is that really so unusual? I’d like to think it isn’t but I don’t get to hear a lot of good things about being married, even when people are trying to be helpful. If you think about how marriage tends to be presented, would it make a single person want to be married?

I have been hesitant to share this because I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging or trying to say my marriage doesn’t have it’s own ups and downs.  But I'm positive my marriage is not an outlier. Surely there are numerous happy, healthy marriages with positive experiences that should be shared. I want to see the attractive characteristics of marriage get more of the spotlight.